Friday, April 15, 2016

M for Me (A to Z Challenge)

Today I will share with you why I decided to help Theresa. After all she was living in Ontario we were in the Yukon 3,000 miles apart. In Ontario she has two of her children: a daughter who lives just about 35 minutes away and a son who lives couple hours away. Both of them highly educated, financially very well off - I was sure that their mother was happy and properly cared for. I was very surprised when she called and ask us to come and live with her. After a while those phone calls became more frequent and I realized that she wasn't joking, she was very serious.

I wasn't ready to move across Canada, I just started my firm and my dream was coming true. I spent five years taking accounting courses and I loved the north. I was happy.

Topaz (my doggie) was getting old and I decided to get a puppy. I had an idea of Topaz teaching new puppy good manners and I thought it would be fun to have two big white girls. I called the breeder and a little white fur ball was ready by the end of April. Of course the puppy was in Ontario and, since there wasn't a direct flight possible, it was easier for me to jump on the plane and personally pick her up than to ship the little critter. And there was another benefit to my trip - I could visit Theresa!

And this is how it all started... I found her extremely lonely, somewhat lost, with many little things not being done. My heart was breaking. When we were in trouble she was there for us, now she was in a big trouble and I did not see anyone there for her. She needed someone every day on a regular bases. I came back home with a puppy and a story for Freddy (my other half and Theresa's oldest son). Both of us were kept in a dark about her circumstances. We knew she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's but we did not know that her younger son pressured her to change her will. And, oh my! There were so many things we did not know... We were in shock. 

In August Theresa fell in the garage and that was the turning point. Freddy flew to Ontario and stayed with her for a couple weeks. Things turned very ugly between her and her other two children (the ones in Ontario) and I made an executive decision: "Honey, bring Mom home. She can stay with us until things cool off".  The rest of this story is for a very, very long post or maybe even a book but I can tell you this - two and half years passed and we still are living together.

So long my friends,
Evalina

19 comments:

  1. Bless you, Evalina....you will never regret giving so of
    your love and compassion....proud of and in awe of you,
    dear Friend... Mary

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  2. I was blessed when I mother became ill, to be living in the same city as her. I was also blessed because, my younger brother and sister were here, and we all shared equally the joys and burdens of being a caregiver. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are special

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  3. Taking on the later years of a mother or mother-in-law is more gratifying than not. I know you will hear from many of us who did this.

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  4. People are complex. My older sister told Mum's doctor that the other children had abandoned Mum and refused to speak to her. It was a lie of course. The entire saga was a nightmare for us as Colleen deliberately kept us out of the picture for her own personal gain. It was just like what was happening with Teresa and her children until you took her into your household. What you saw is not rare. It is sad though.
    Write about it. Please. Write articles for magasines rather than a book. Mature aged people are more likely to read something short and casual. Then they will think about what is happening within their own families.
    You are a very loving person with many fine qualities. Teresa and Freddy are lucky to have you. You write with compassion and there is no sign of bitterness although you do express disappointment. When you write here on your blog you help soothe our experiences too. But keep stitching as well!

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  5. Such a sad tale, and I hope it's all worked out for you and Theresa, so sad that secrets were kept and revealed when it was too late to change them. Shame on those who took advantage. Bless you for stepping in and making things right!

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  6. You sound like a rescuing angel to me. We had my hubs mom living with us for 16 years until she got dementia and had to be confined in a care home near us. She lived to be 99. She had her own suite but in our house so we could assist when needed.

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  7. Sometimes you just have to step up and do what is right for the people you care about, put their needs first, no matter what it does to your own life. Granted, not everyone has the makings of a good caregiver, but everyone can be loving, kind and helpful instead of thinking only of themselves. I had the privilege to sit at the hospital with my MIL in her final days, because the one daughter that had done the most was just worn out and the other two either didn't have it in them or were too self absorbed. I cherished the opportunity to minister to a woman who had become like a second mother to me.
    Revisit the Tender Years with me during the #AtoZChallenge at Life & Faith in Caneyhead!

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  8. What a sad story with a happy ending Evalina. I have one daughter that can't be bothered with me. Thank God I have such a wonderful husband that puts up with me.

    Linda

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  9. You put your head and your heart together and did the right thing. No matter what the future brings, that is something you will always know. Bless you!

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  10. That's so good of you Evelina. I never understood how people could be so cruel to their parents. They raise you you should be there for them. Especially since it's your mother in law and not even your mother. You're an angel :)

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  11. You done the right thing .
    Lots of families have trouble , if only they think and care more for others.

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  12. That's very sad when children just don't care. Good that you took action on time and she is under your care. Moms don't deserve to be alone and they spend entire life giving love to their children.

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  13. God bless you Evalina. You and Freddy did the right thing by far. You have bless Theresa and she has blessed you!

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  14. How sad that her children living nearby were not taking care of her but instead taking advantage of the situation. I am so glad you went to visit her and then brought her to stay with you. I know it is a time consuming job but I am sure she appreciates your family for all you do for her. I can only pray that I have someone as loving and caring in my life if I am ever in need. God bless you Evalina.

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  15. Sharing your story through the Challenge is a great way to get these issues out there. Thank goodness Theresa has ended up with you and your husband and a far happier life than before - I think we all hope this would happen to us later in life.
    Pempi
    A Stormy Sidekick
    Special Teaching at Pempi’s Palace

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  16. Your blessing is being a blessing to someone else. You have been blessed.

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  17. Sad but not uncommon. 'The chronically ill get no care/compassion.' A proverb in my community.

    People do the weirdest, the most unkind things to grab more than their share of property or some other material stuff. Great that you got your MIL home! Whatever happens you know you've done the right thing. Kudos.

    Nilanjana
    Madly-in-Verse

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