Thursday, April 21, 2016

Q for Questioning (A to Z Challenge)

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
I do not know who said that but I do have an issue with that questioning. I'm so tired of it and for some reason I can't find answers to many questions. Am I really doing the right thing? What would happen if I wouldn't interfere with my MIL life? Well, I know the answer to this one. By now she would be locked up in nursing home just like her mother was. She would be sitting on the wheelchair with her head hanging down, over medicated in the LaLa Land. Who knows, maybe by now she would lay peacefully by her late husband. I know I have extended her life and gave her more joy. But... what about me? I had to give up my dream, I had to close my business, my daily life is all around her and she isn't even my mother, she is the mother of my partner. I had a growing, profitable business, I was well respected in a professional world and now I'm broke trying to make sense from my life. You see, Theresa's mother also had Alzheimer's and not Theresa nor her brother quit their jobs to take care of her. Theresa's mom end up in the nursing home and she lived there for about ten years.
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Fine, I get it. I must have a 'bad' day...

So long my friends,
Evalina

13 comments:

  1. Bad days are to be expected. I commend you for doing what you did. I hope your partner helps out a lot. Could you maybe run your business online I wonder? I hope your day turns around :)

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  2. Whatever you did, you did what your heart said. I have learned after these many years that we should not bother about what others think. If you feel you are right go ahead, I hope your partner is taking equal responsibility. In such matters you need to draw a line for your own sacrifices. We are not saints and there is no point being one. If you have an urge to have an alternate part time career, you must plan out and pursue. If you don't feel you are happy then all the efforts that you are making for your MIL will also not give you satisfaction. If your budget allows a domestic help, then take some help if your partner is very busy to help. Sorry, these are just my views, I am not in the same situation as you are.

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  3. I am really glad that you have expressed your feelings. It helps others to know that feelings like this are not unusual.
    Sure, those feelings of anger and being imposed upon, and wishing life was otherwise are horrible. Justifiable. Unwelcome. The important part is that you actually know all the reasons. Some people feel it and do not understand why.
    Teresa and your lover are both enormously lucky to have you. Many other people over the years wished for someone like you, but it never happened. Teresa is just plain lucky that she raised a child who was attracted to a wonderful woman like you.
    That business of yours - maybe some con artist would have destroyed it one day. Or a hacker might have stolen your identity and ruined everything. Or something. You never need to live through that. There must be a silver lining. It is really hard to find it while you are in a dark place. Hang on. One day the spotlight will reveal all.
    I realise that your time has just been chewed up and spat on the ground. It was your time and now it has been taken away from you.
    I care. Lots of readers care. Life is hard; but it is harder if you are stupid. (John Wayne's famous quote) Thank goodness you are not stupid. Life is not meant to be easy - it is meant to be interesting. Keep sharing. Your life is interesting to many of us.

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  4. I think the three previous commenters have summed it all up! Only you can decide whether this is the right decision. But having taken her into your life now you have already given her so much and made a difference already. If you change your mind tomorrow or in ten years time she will still have had that extra time of being free and active.

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  5. Hang in there. You did what you felt was right. Care givers have a harder time than the patients. Bad days, self-doubt, resentment, anger, these are natural, denying them is no use. Only through feeling them and sharing them can healing happen. Theresa is a lucky lady, and so's your partner. Wishing you strength and happiness.

    Nilanjana.
    Ninja Minion, A-Z 2016
    Madly-in-Verse

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  6. Thanks for your honesty. Hope you are feeling better soon. We all make choices and I think yours was a good one. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  7. Hang in there Evalina. A lot of times things only make sense when we look back on them and that means we have to work our way through them. Your doubts and questions are natural. We may not be able to fix anything, but we care about what you are doing and feeling.

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  8. Sending a gentle wash of love for you Evalina. It's good to talk about these things honestly and this is yet another gift you offer with this particular series of posts. In any long term committment there are always ups and downs; questions and clarity; times of more ease and times of less. Having been primary caregiver for my father during his journey with Alzheimer's I think one of the things I most encourage others traveling this path is to be sure to see if you can get help. I'm not sure about Canadian social services, but is there a program where you can get a respite worker to come for a little while weekly to give you a bit of a break?

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  9. It is always such a hard decision on what to do with aging parents, whether they are your own aging parents or parents of our spouses or partners. We recently had a new brick wall put up around the backyard. The man doing the work said he had made a pact with his mom for her to die at home so he's taking care of her. She's 93, still in good health, slipping a little bit into dementia. You can see his frustration about the pact they made; not sure how many years ago they did so, but probably wondering how it all ended up the way it did.

    Hope you continue on with the challenge; we are almost at the end!

    betty

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  10. I hope you find a solution. Here's hoping you can complete the Challenge.

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  11. The quotes you shared in this post are so beautiful. I'm only 19, I can't imagine how hard this is for you. My grandma had a hard time taking care of her father, but it was also HER father, not her husbands. I think what matters the most is that you feel like you're doing something good, which you definitely are. Good luck with everything, my heart goes out to you and your mother in law!

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  12. I think you are doing a lovely thing for both your husband and his mother. I will say though that there are some decent care homes out there that don't over medicate
    Debbie

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